ME NOT CHICKENS!

Never have I heard such dirty words as THOMAS and TRAIN. Oh sure…they sound innocent when they are separated like that. Put them together and you get an addiction so expensive that you need a 12 step program to relieve your child of its grasp.

These words are always trumped by adding another dirty word….TABLE! Again, a very innocent word by itself. You would never think of this word to be of such horror. That is, until you put the word TRAIN in front of it.

So Little D (2 ½ years old) mentions these three words in the same sentence. All he talks about is at least the last two words. He eats, breaths and sleeps the words TRAIN TABLE! Everywhere we go that has one of these instruments of endless amusement, he must touch it….be mesmerized by it.

What does mom and dad do? Just like any good mom and dad of the “my kid needs everything” generation, we go to We Be Toys (name changed to protect the not so innocent) and buy said TRAIN TABLE on Friday afternoon.

After handing over our wallet and telling them to take every dime I have, I arrive home with this monstrosity. LD goes to sleep and we decide to put it together that night so he can wake up to its glorious wonder the next day. After 2+ hours of putting together, making a little town, an oil derrick, bridge, airport, shipping yard, mountain underpass (did I not say my account was empty after this) and anything else you can imagine, my child now has this wonderful thing called a TRAIN TABLE!

Fast forward to Saturday morning. LD is awake. Dad goes to get him while I wait in the front room with video cam in hand. Can’t even think to miss this as a video moment! LD comes out into the living room with eyes all aglow (sounding like a Christmas moment here) and screams with delight “OH MY GOODESS…..TWAIN TABLE…..A TWAIN TABLE.” Truly the Kodak moment we were hoping for.

LD spends every waking moment the whole next two days playing with this beautiful toy. In between eating and fending off baby sister Princess Grabby Hands (1 year old), he seems to be in his glory. I am in heaven just having a two days of quiet and being able to hear myself think for the first time in 2 ½ years! Ahhhhh….this is better then a Calgone moment!

Fast forward again to two weeks later. The ever wanted TRAIN TABLE now sits in his room. Trains are everywhere except on the table. I think there is one in his pajama drawer. Don’t ask. This expensive paper weight has all the delight and enjoyment of a neutered cat 1 hour after surgery. LD is running around like crazy again and I tell him to play trains. The following is our conversation:

ME: Play with your trains sweetie. Look…CHOO CHOO (futile attempt to be entertaining).

LD: ME NO PLAY TWAINS MOMMY

ME: You need to put trains back on table so you don’t lose them (mommy lost mind as well as some prepositions in that sentence).

LD: ME NOT CHICKENS MOMMY (said in a tone only Forrest Gump could imitate).

ME: Fine, your not chickens! (no clue what he meant by it or what I mean by this response).

Scene ends with me walking out of the room with my brain oozing out of my ear from a conversation that made absolutely no sense. Princess Grabby Hands is crawling right behind me with a “CAUTION” sign from the train set in her mouth. Must be an omen.