Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Lifehouse 'Everything' (A serious note)

This video sums up my life. A friend of mine gave me this link to this video. I would never have thought it would be a video about me in so many ways. I just sob every time I watch it (which has been about 4 times today at least so far).

I have been down that road of many temptations after being raised a good Christian girl as a child. I could have said no but the temptations were very appealing and I made wrong choices. I went down the road of my own accord...it didn't just "happen" to me. I wasn't a victim that just stood there and let people make me do things. I was a mess who made my own bed and had to lie in it. I have just come out of a year long depression where I hit rock bottom and couldn't even enjoy my marriage or children anymore. I was just numb and went through life as if I were already dead. I had put most of my horrid past behind me many years ago but the feelings that put me down that road left scars all over my heart.

I am now filled with the spirit. I had to fight to get back but once I wanted it in my heart, God made it easier for me to get there. I now am filled with His glory and am living a beautiful life no matter what stresses surround me. I have complete faith once again and that is what this video represents to me. It seems very straight forward with theology to me. God does not just give you the life you want because you want it. You have to come to Him and fill yourself up with His love to get back the life you truly should have! Once He sees that you have been completely truthful with Him and are fighting the temptations that you once succumbed to, He comes to you and helps you resist those temptations and saves you from the wreckage that was your former life.

I can see my life clearly in this video. I was amazed by God as a child. I was tempted to do wrong things including lie, cheat, steal, drugs...the list of things that I could not admit to anyone (not even myself) goes on and on. I pretended it wasn't me who lived that life. I shoved the shame and memories of it to the back of my mind not wanting anyone to see who I really had been. I was only fooling myself because my God knew all that I had done. I was depressed and miserable. I didn't see any way through the blackness. I never considered suicide but my heart was already dying. Once I admitted to Him my sins and asked for Him to take me back, I realized the choices I was making made my own life miserable and there was only one answer. I fought to return to Him I fought hard and pleaded with our Creator to take control of my life back because I didn't deserve to have any control over it anymore. I was just fooling myself to think I ever had control of it to begin with. Only my Creator should be in control and I begged for Him to release me from my own self destruction. I cried hard on that day two short months ago in my van as I drove along to nowhere not wanting to go home right then. I knew that I needed to give my life to Him. Only my Lord Jesus could take my pain away and only my Lord Jesus could redeem my soul.

Once I finally had gotten it in my heart that He is the only one who could save me from myself then our Lord met me the rest of the way as he did for the girl in this video. She fought her way back to him and just when she could be beaten no more but was tired from the fight, He came to save her and bring her back to His protective embrace of nothing but love. That was me. I fought hard and once God saw that I wanted Him but had no fight left in me, He drew me up in His arms and said "I'll take it from here, you just follow." I was trying hard but still stumbling along.

I was in church a few weeks later listening to a sermon about Biblical Outlaws (Those that did not follow the crowd and did what they felt was right instead). The sermon by Pastor Bob that day included an example between the show "Flip This House" and what Pastor Bob was challenging us to do.... "Flip This Life." By the end of the sermon I knew the Pastor was talking directly to me. The final song was being sung and I just sat there. Before I could get to the refrain, my voice could no longer sing and I was in tears in my husbands arms crying so hard that I could feel everything for the first time in a long time. I knew right then that Jesus collected me up in His arms and said "Trust in Me and I will lead you to where you need to go." My life has not been the same ever since that day. I can walk high with Jesus by my side and see all the glory around me. My husband and I have not fought in a month. We are having struggles with other parts of life but God is showing us His plan and we are accepting it without doubt. We are not stressed even though my husband is unemployed. We are not stressed even though our son has a disability. We are not stressed while dealing with two rambunctious toddlers in our house. We are rejoicing that we are together and that God is in our home. We are rejoicing that our son is progressing wonderfully and we love him just the way he is. We are rejoicing that God blessed us with two beautiful children after we struggled through infertility and losses. God is truly good ALL THE TIME!

This video is beautiful and such a witness to knowing that anyone can get redemption if they seek it from our gracious Lord! I have and I now feel blessed each day I am here on this earth. I am trying to walk in our wonderful God's footsteps as closely as I can. I know I will stumble and fall because I am human but I know that He will pick me back up and help me walk with him again.Please watch this video and let it touch you as it has me. It reinforced my strength and love for God. It made me realize the fight to stay in his path is never ending but I will not let myself get to the point of being so far from Him that I can no longer see his face. If His face begins to fade, I will know that I am doing something wrong and race back to his path! God bless you and keep you for all eternity!