Wednesday, August 22, 2007


My husband, like any good daddy to a little boy, enjoys teaching Little D that belching is an extremely hilarious activity. Many times I catch him telling LD to come over to him because he has a secret. The secret is always a huge belch in his ear followed by roaring laughter. All I can say is thank GOD I have a little girl to EWWWWWWWWW at both of them with me!

Flash back to last summer. My sweet 19 month old LD is in the shopping cart at the grocery store. I am waddling behind the cart, approximately 400 months pregnant. Ok…a tad exaggeration….only 300 months pregnant. I happened to actually be 8 months pregnant and not realizing that I would be having our sweet Princess Grabby Hands before the end of the week. Not that this fact has to do with anything about to happen but I just needed as much sympathy that only a woman carrying her pregnancy between her knees can gather.

Back to the story. So here is sweet LD in the shopping cart. Mommy pushing and daddy following up close behind seeing what goodies he can swoop into the cart without me looking. Conversation is as follows:

LD: MOMMY MOMMY! (one of only about 12 words the child can speak at this point)

ME: Hold on sweetie.


ME: In a minute.


ME: What D? (wondering what could be so important that he needs to keep shouting this at me)

LD: BBBEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH (yes, he did a man sized belch that he needed me to pay attention to)

I look back to glare at the OTHER SON I have behind me (you know…that overgrown one that I'm married to that will never grow up even when he’s 80). I find him holding onto a store shelf laughing with tears in his eyes. Behind him are two teenage girls giggling and in front of me is a man and his son laughing.

Oh the joy of being a mommy to a little boy!

Out of the mouths of babes

“It’s scumsus (scrumptious) mommy! DEWISUS! (delicious)” Only my Little D! I guess that grilled cheese sandwich was that darn good! That 2 ½ year old has a way with words!

I don’t know where he gets it but he is one of a kind. One of what kind I am not sure yet. When God made this child, He sure broke the mold. I’m glad! I want to be selfish and keep this goofy kid all to myself!

LD asks me for a drink. I get a sport water bottle for him. Dialogue goes as follows:


ME: No, you will have water, you've already had chocolate milk.

LD: I HAVE AN IDEA! (while putting his pointer finger up in the air)

ME: And what is your idea?


ME: No, how about water or nothing?

LD: THINKING (putting finger on his chin)

ME: Well??? Putting water back in 5 seconds if you don't take it.

LD: I HAVE AN IDEA! (again putting his pointer finger up in the air)

ME: And what is your idea?


ME: Fine...water it is.

Now why couldn't he have just taken that in the first place. Always the long way around with this one!

He is full of a million of them! Here are some exerpts that come to mind that he has said recently:

  • I'm sitting in the living room crocheting. Little D comes running out of his room and stands in front of me. He smiles the biggest, toothy grin I have ever seen on him. Then he shouts "OH NO! I NEED BRACES MOMMY!!!" and runs off. WHAT????? Where did he learn that dirty, expensive word?

  • LD is looking for his sandals. He has no clue where he put them. Thanks to his shoe fetish (loves to line shoes up around the house) he has moved them somewhere and has forgotten where. As he looks I hear "SANDALS WHERE ARE YOU I'M YOUR D!" Let's just say mommy hasn't laughed so hard in ages.

  • Almost every time LD cries he has to declare "I'M CRYING!" Like we can't tell?

  • LD's first full paragraph spoken: "NO NO! NO TOUCH DITTER! (sister) MINE!! YOU GO MOMMY NOW!!"

  • Spoken to his occupational therapist upon trying to get between her and the wall (and no, she is not a heavy person....she's rather thin actually): "YOU A BIG PEWSON (person) MISS RONNIE!"

  • The ever famous "ME NOT CHICKENS" is always popular. LD says this often and we have no idea what he means by that.

  • LD also went through a whole day saying DUCK SPIT over and over. Your guess is as good as mine. I wasn't even aware that ducks could spit!

He is mine all mine! I'll share him here but you can't have him! What a character!

Princess Grabby Hands needs more fiber!

I know…you wonder where are the posts about Princess Grabby Hands….The 1 year old wonder! She is more subdued. Laid back little gal.

PGH doesn’t want to walk because she can get where she is going much faster on her hands and knees. She can, mind you, but just won’t. I have no clue where she gets her stubbornness from! (Ducking away from point fingers now)

Princess Grabby Hands is called such because she can grab everything in a 10 mile radius with those little paws before you can even blink! The child can pick a tiny speck the size of a pin head off of the carpet and get it into her mouth just seconds after I vacuum!

PGH will eat anything and everything. Let’s just say that there are some days I am just happy she got into one thing and not the other. Case in point:

One day I hear silence. No….not nap time. Trouble is brewing most likely. Just as I am about to get up to look for Thing one and Thing two, Little D comes flying into the living room brushing his hair with a toilet brush. THANK GOD IT WAS ONLY A WEEK OLD AND ONLY USED ONCE! EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

All at once I panic! I now realize the kids got into the bathroom. I run in there to see PGH on the floor surrounded by toilet paper still attached to the roll on the wall but strewn throughout the bathroom. A wad of TP was in her mouth. Just as I was about to freak out, I realized that she was only about a foot away from the cat box. It was at that moment I realized that a little extra TP fiber in the diet is not bad compared with what she could be eating! The thought of cat box tootsie rolls in her mouth just makes me want to heave! I am so glad LD got her preoccupied with TP so she didn’t even notice the cat box!

I guess this is a “don’t sweat the small stuff” moment. I know with those two there will be many chances to be partners in crime! When you have two kids only a year and a half apart, anything can happen! Brace yourself Mommy….you’re in for a long ride! LOL


Setting the scene last night:
8:30 pm. Little D and Princess Grabby Hands have been in bed for an hour and a half now. While PGH is snoozing, I hear LD counting loudly in his bedroom. My guess is as good as yours. Maybe he’s counting sheep….who knows!

I’m sitting at the computer and daddy is washing dishes. Yes…some men actually do wash dishes and aren’t I one of the lucky one’s to have found one? Ok…so it was a deal that he had to do the dishes after he broke my new dishwasher so it’s not because he likes to do them. I always jokingly remind him that NO MAN WAS EVER SHOT WHILE DOING THE DISHES to which he just rolls his eyes at me….but I digress….

Ok…sitting at computer, hubby doing dishes. All of a sudden we hear “HEY GUYS! WHAT GOING ON?” We both turn to see a little 3’3” frame standing in footed dinosaur jammies with arms stretched out towards both of us. We both look at him and at each other for a full minute before we fully realize that this little person isn’t supposed to be out here. A grin on Little D’s face that could out shine a Cheshire cat challenges us to hold back our smiles so we don’t encourage him.

ME: What are you doing out here?

LD: I wuv you mommy.

ME: I love you too but you are supposed to be in bed.

LD: What going on?

ME: You going back to bed is what’s going on!

LD: (crawling on my lap and proceeding to kiss me 4 times on the lips) Wuv you mommy.

DAD: No kissing up to mommy. Off to bed with you.

LD: Wuv you daddy.

DAD: Love you too but you still have to go back to bed.

LD: Mommy!



ME and DAD: Love you! Night night!


Finally off to sleep after about a hundred rounds of counting to twenty!

Ahhhhhh my day is done and it will begin again with Little D and Princess Grabby Hands in the morning!


Never have I heard such dirty words as THOMAS and TRAIN. Oh sure…they sound innocent when they are separated like that. Put them together and you get an addiction so expensive that you need a 12 step program to relieve your child of its grasp.

These words are always trumped by adding another dirty word….TABLE! Again, a very innocent word by itself. You would never think of this word to be of such horror. That is, until you put the word TRAIN in front of it.

So Little D (2 ½ years old) mentions these three words in the same sentence. All he talks about is at least the last two words. He eats, breaths and sleeps the words TRAIN TABLE! Everywhere we go that has one of these instruments of endless amusement, he must touch it….be mesmerized by it.

What does mom and dad do? Just like any good mom and dad of the “my kid needs everything” generation, we go to We Be Toys (name changed to protect the not so innocent) and buy said TRAIN TABLE on Friday afternoon.

After handing over our wallet and telling them to take every dime I have, I arrive home with this monstrosity. LD goes to sleep and we decide to put it together that night so he can wake up to its glorious wonder the next day. After 2+ hours of putting together, making a little town, an oil derrick, bridge, airport, shipping yard, mountain underpass (did I not say my account was empty after this) and anything else you can imagine, my child now has this wonderful thing called a TRAIN TABLE!

Fast forward to Saturday morning. LD is awake. Dad goes to get him while I wait in the front room with video cam in hand. Can’t even think to miss this as a video moment! LD comes out into the living room with eyes all aglow (sounding like a Christmas moment here) and screams with delight “OH MY GOODESS…..TWAIN TABLE…..A TWAIN TABLE.” Truly the Kodak moment we were hoping for.

LD spends every waking moment the whole next two days playing with this beautiful toy. In between eating and fending off baby sister Princess Grabby Hands (1 year old), he seems to be in his glory. I am in heaven just having a two days of quiet and being able to hear myself think for the first time in 2 ½ years! Ahhhhh….this is better then a Calgone moment!

Fast forward again to two weeks later. The ever wanted TRAIN TABLE now sits in his room. Trains are everywhere except on the table. I think there is one in his pajama drawer. Don’t ask. This expensive paper weight has all the delight and enjoyment of a neutered cat 1 hour after surgery. LD is running around like crazy again and I tell him to play trains. The following is our conversation:

ME: Play with your trains sweetie. Look…CHOO CHOO (futile attempt to be entertaining).


ME: You need to put trains back on table so you don’t lose them (mommy lost mind as well as some prepositions in that sentence).

LD: ME NOT CHICKENS MOMMY (said in a tone only Forrest Gump could imitate).

ME: Fine, your not chickens! (no clue what he meant by it or what I mean by this response).

Scene ends with me walking out of the room with my brain oozing out of my ear from a conversation that made absolutely no sense. Princess Grabby Hands is crawling right behind me with a “CAUTION” sign from the train set in her mouth. Must be an omen.

Welcome to my stay at home mom world!

One dog, five cats, two toddlers and a husband. What more could a woman of the 21st century ask for? Well….maybe 5 minutes alone in the bathroom.
Every bathroom trip involves an entourage of at least three faces looking at me from the doorway. I must be extremely entertaining to the 2 year old, the baby and the dog (throw a cat or two in there for good measure) because I sure capture their attention the entire time I’m in there. If I had known I’d be the main attraction, I would have at least dressed for the occasion.

I suppose having the kids staring at me while I do my business is better then the alternative. A 2 year old roaming the house when mom is unavailable makes the Indy 500 look a bunch of tricycles tooling around the track. Water would be overflowing, baskets of clothes overturned, front doors trying to be opened and dog food becoming the snack food of choice.
Looking at it that way, an audience is preferable. Now if only I could get them to do some cleaning in there while they are waiting on me…..sigh….while I’m dreaming